Thursday, 24 June 2010

Wishful thinking

I so wanted this to be my victory post...

My exam went awfully. Awfully.

I lost my nerve and from the 3rd exercise on the barre, made silly mistakes, closing the wrong foot behind/infront, panicking and dancing out of time to the music. I can't believe it. I really can't. If I had written this a month ago before I was prepared, I could explain it away, but I knew my stuff, and I didn't perform it even half as well as I know I can. I am so disappointed and I would be surprised if I scrape a pass.

My dance teacher was lovely and mopped up my tears, reassured me that we always think things are worse than they are, and if the worst comes to the worst, I can retake in July, so that's something, but I'm just so sad: it meant so much to me.

It won't stop me dancing, but I need to pick myself up and remind myself that whatever happens, it's a good 12-13 years since I last took an exam and try not to be too hard on myself. Thanks for all your good wishes and support (especially Elise, I'll email you!) and I'll be back dancing (or at least writing about dancing) better than ever when I feel suitably restored (I bounce back pretty easily, so it won't be long!).


  1. I'm sorry things didn't go the way you saw them going. Nerves can really, well...suck. Don't let it get you down. Let it be the driving force that makes you push hard. And your teachers was right, sometimes it feels worse than it actually is.

  2. What makes a great dancer is not technique. What makes a great dancer is her passion. Martha Graham said that.

    Hugs to you, Hannah. Never never never never stop believing that you will become the best dancer you can be. And you WILL be. Keep your passion.

  3. Thank you both of you. I don't *do* failing (who does?), so the fear of failing this is enormous.

    On reflection, I still feel it went awfully. Even the luxury of time hasn't quite dulled my feeling of dread about it, but I am feeling more positive about what I can do if the worst happens.

    I just keep thinking: I failed my driving test the first time I took it, for one major mistake. If it hadn't been for that I would have passed it. The second time I took it, I only made 3 tiny (minors) mistakes and the examiner was truly complimentary.

    If I fail this, as I suspect I might, my one big mistake was my nerves. Next time, if it's required, I will at least be more able to control those nerves as I'll have a better idea of what's coming (I had NO idea this time!)... so it could be for the best.

    Every cloud has a silver lining, it's true. Whatever happens will be for the best!

    Thank you both for your kind words. I know it's only a blog, but it's nice to have people share my passion backing me up. I really appreciate it.