Thursday, 7 July 2011

"Me" again

My husband pointed out last night that I hadn't posted for a while and that, with 30 followers, perhaps I was being slightly neglectful. So, apologies, dear readers. Let me explain where I have been and update you a little.

I am currently writing from a hospital room in Leicester where I have been for the last 2 and a half weeks. The hospital room is in an anorexia unit. I guess that's my way of explaining that I've really been struggling recently.

The room I am 'living' in at the moment
This is a blog about dance and my life as an adult dance student and I intend for it to stay that way, but what this has meant for me, whilst I'm now on the long road to recovery, is that I am missing out on my dancing life. So, firstly, I want to thank you all for your wonderful dancing posts, which have helped me to feel connected with the dance community. Secondly, I want to reassure you that I want to get better so that I can return to dance. My illness has nothing to do with body image associated with ballet, and everything to do with the rotten time I've been having in my working life and a great deal of anxiety that I have been experiencing on top of my 'massive perfectionism' that has caused me to feel like a real failure. Returning to ballet is one of my key motivators (along with having a baby) and I love that so many of you celebrate the mental and physical strengths of 'real' dancers - something that I have lost sight of recently.

From in here, the world is all upside down, but for the first time in months, I am beginning to feel like "me" again. I am starting  to take control in a positive way and I can see how bright the future could be, I have more energy and the more healthy side of me is gaining in strength every day, but for now, my posts may be somewhat lacking in 'real' dance experience so I hope you will share yours with me!

As an aside, I just wanted to let those of you who asked know - I got 82% in my exam. Not brilliant, but not awful either - that's a highly commended (not far off an honours) and given that I was really quite poorly when I took it, I am going to force myself to be pleased with that.

4 comments:

  1. I feel like trying to recover from eating disorders in a hospital setting is kind of conflicting; who would want to eat that icky hospital food? :P

    All joking aside, I'm so sorry to hear you are in the Hospital! I hope you get well and strong soon so that you can return to dance and make a baby!

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  2. My best wishes for you as you recover in the hospital and get back to feeling more like 'you', Hannah.

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  3. Make that 31 follower and probably a lot more.

    I love you blog. I am not subscribed cause I blog on tumblr but I subscribe to your blog with google reader.

    Great job on the posts and hope you get out of the hospital soon! Best Wishes.

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  4. Thank you FEB, Nichelle and Anonymous. Your well wishes find me... well, well. Or more well than I was a few weeks ago. In fact, well enough to have persuaded the hospital to allow me to continue my recovery at home (FEB, I agree - icky hospital food does nothing for my appetite, whilst my husband's and mum's home cooking are beginning to help now I'm home)

    I am determined to continue moving onwards and upwards for the sake of my (as yet unmade) baby and dancing dreams. So thank you for your support; I continue to feel stronger by the day, and more like the 'me' I once knew. It's not easy, but the alternative doesn't bare thinking about.

    Anon - I am pleased you like my blog - who knew there were more than my 30 precious readers? Please let me know your own URL, as I would love to read your blog too.

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